"i am very stressed and getting depressed easily. everyone in my family and relatives says that i am the hope and i must take care of my family. perhaps they do not realise that by saying those things, it builds up pressure on me and it makes me scared when i wonder what if i were to fail. they're forgiven. up till today, i'm still clueless of how i could do well in what i do even with many difficulties in life. God has helped me a lot. Without God's help, i will never have done it. never. How did i get that courage to work hard ? Behind everything that happens lies a reason behind it. i do not want lots of money; i do not even intend to. i just want a happy family with humble and responsible people. i am not the kind of person who just knows how to talk or comment on something. i act. fast" - azhar




azhar's fourth confession.
plans.
arrogance.
song.
failure.



plans.


i hope to learn many things before i reach 25.
thank God i accomplished some of my goals.
but here are some that i wish i could achieve:


L1R5 of 12 and below for "O" levels (excluding CCA points, etc).
performing for non-school organised concert.
compose and produce one song.
learn 3 more styles of dance.
be part of a charity organisation.
have a wonderful girl.


huge possibilty of not becoming a businessman.
it's difficult.
money.


i am still planning to go overseas.
China.


even if i've got a good job and high pay.
or even if i am fated to be rich.
i will not let my family live as wealthy beings.
my children will be using public transport.
my house will not be very expensive and huge.
that's the reason why i need a wonderful woman.
to finish the final moments of my life with.
persevere.
humble.
not crazy for wealth.
loving.
feminine.
pretty.




arrogance.


"everything that i wrote is from my heart. all the things i have written under my confessions are true. if i have anyone who reads this blog, i am trully sorry. this is just my art of expression." - azhar



it's a strong word. the word that always got me thinking if i'm related to it. i have always asked my friends if i'm arrogant. popular victims are razin and siti. one of my teachers have also expressed his concern as i kept stressing in my blog at times my apology if i did appear arrogant in my previous post.


but i live in a family which condemns arrogance. my mum always stresses me to remember my roots when if i become successful in the future. furthermore, i'm always scared if i appear arrogant in front of my friends as i do not really talk that much except when with my frens in small groups.


"my love is bizarre; not suicidal or true" - azhar


if u see me outside, i'll just smile or if you're lucky, i would say "hi". in class i'm much different. i've changed my way of mixing with people. i used to undergo total isolation by which i seriously am quiet and mind my own business. my mum hates that. very much. she has always wanted me to be more friendly and outspoken.


and that's when i became quai lan. a controlled one. very controlled. this treatment is only for two special people. Dan and Aloysius. They are my great friends. And class would be boring without them. They're very fun to talk to. Ask my friends. Dan and Aloysius are the only two distinct people i am quai lan or sialan with. Nevertheless, i am still lucky to have met such two good people.




song.


"i once said that i will be a bachelor forever. God has proven me wrong." - azhar



i've completed one song.
not sure what people would think of it.
i hope someone takes the song.
and inject instrumentations to it.


the song is not emo.
although it sounds like it is.
strange but.
i do not really know where i really get the inspiration from.
perhaps it is inspired by true story.
of my cousin who lost her close friends.
forever.


she has always worried me.
hope she stays strong.




"beauty can go away but sweetness is forever." - aziz, azhar's father


failure


i have failed. in helping my friends achieve good results. this shows that i am not a good tutor and friend. i have tried many things. but keep failing. i even tried to brainwash them by saying, "the door is now open to overtake me.", but to no avail. i hope 4e5 do well for "O" levels.


i will try my best to achieve reasonable results for "O" levels. i hope things go fine on that day. i hope Ultimate Crew Challenge would be a success. but most importantly, the Dance camp must make it. if not, i will have to do what i have promised to all the readers who has read one of my past three confessions.


"i would like to thank all who have shown great support for all my previous three confessions. thanks a billion. i will continue to express myself through more of my upcoming confessions. once again, a big thank you." - azhar





written by azhar